I’ve been really nervous about my best friend. She has been a total lightweight and immediately passing out on our friend’s couch. She alway’s says, “It’s okay my boyfriend is in this fraternity.” Scarlet, the problem is she’s incoherent and last week I caught a bunch of strangers just staring and hanging around her as she slept. She, of course, had no idea they were there. I’m worried about what could happen while I’m not around or our friends are outside. Please help.
You have to tell her it wouldn’t matter if she owned the frat house, you cannot trust anyone, let alone random strangers coming in and out of a party. I think what’s worrying me most is many women who’ve been assaulted, have known the party involved and your friend is putting herself in a more venerable position and hoping that you guys will come to her rescue like some superheroes.
It should also be address that if your friend is drinking to the point she’s not even enjoying the party, then she may have a worse problem. Of course you are worried about someone hurting her, but the truth is, she’s numbing herself from something by not pacing her drinking (she’s technically not partying, but immediately passed-out) and that should be discussed. Maybe she needs counseling, but there’s no way to know unless you open the lines of communication immediately. Get some of your friends to witness the behavior and back you up (but no hurtful cell pics). Please, do this the right way, and realize there may be a deeper problem. Hope this helps you and you can start having some happier holiday parties.
I’ve been best friends with a large group of people for ten years. The one thing that hasn’t changed is every time we are together…they want me to drink like I did when we were 16. I can drink like that still, but the truth is…sometimes…crashing on someone’s couch is a no go. You know how it is though, when you are caught without a beer bottle or a glass with rocks in your hand. I can’t believe I’m still a subject to peer pressure. You’re a good person to ask what to do in these situations without getting excommunicated?
-Wanna Party but Wanna Go Home
Dear Wanna Party,
Thank you for addressing the subject that, “Even though you get older peer pressure sometimes doesn’t dissolve.” Some questions on how to deter some of these behaviors were addressed to me two semesters ago, but I’m glad it resurfaced, because it’s worth repeating. So, this is what I do when “no” isn’t good enough and I feel like I want to start a cowboy-smashing bar scene.
Drink whatever you want until the first comment starts. After, switch to a vodka and coke. Next, tell the bartenders that you are a designated driver and if anyone buys you a drink to make it seem like you are still drinking an alcoholic drink by putting a straw, lemon/lime, and ice in the glass. Most people don’t know this, but it’s the bartender’s job to make sure you’re not intoxicated (who’d think it). We, as party people, hope otherwise, but this is truth. They’ll listen to you and you don’t have to feel weird (even if they’re cute) because it’s also their job to not promote drunk driving. It means their butt on a plate and a fine! So, this little Scarlet trick has kept things peaceful for years. Enjoy!