Michael Russell | Staff Writer
College is stressful. We all feel it: the frequent exams, the long late night hours, the nearly endless amounts of studying, the constant strain of conducting friendly and romantic relationships, the constant stream of papers that pile up on your desk and threaten to crush you under their hefty academic weight, the threat from your parents to pass this semester or, “It’s off to military school for you!” It seems like there’s no relief, no respite from the constant trudging through trenches of work that seem completely endless. After a while, we all tend to burn out. It’s inevitable.
But worry not, for I, your charming lazy and opinionated columnist, am here to pull you from the trenches of the overworking college system. What I offer you, dear reader, is timeless advice. When you are feeling stressed and think you just can’t take any more, let your hair down, and party til’ dawn.
It may seem simple, or even a little reckless, but partying in college is a great way to relieve the college crush. I’m not talking about wild and crazy parties with scantily clad girls dancing on coffee tables or toga wearing fraternity brothers wearing frilly lampshades on their heads (though, to be fair, those kinds of parties may hold some promise, too). No, what I suggest is a far tamer affair, such as an informal gathering of a few good friends in your apartment or dormitory. Or even a few not so good friends. Or, hey, even some strangers. The important thing is that you’re hobnobbing with other people and doing nothing at all even remotely important. The mind needs time to unwind and decompress. Parties are like mental candy. Our minds need the unhealthy, the non-educational, and the unserious. Our mind needs partying.
You may think me revolutionary, or even a little crazy. But I ask you to please hold your judgment, for I am in good company. The Greeks, on whom we base the majority of our Western culture, were notorious partiers. After all, the Greek’s gave us the word “symposium”. These days, we tend to think of symposiums as stuffy affairs where academics come together for a rip-snorting good time of reading papers and making presentations in the ballroom of a Holiday Inn. But the word has a different origin, a much more fun origin.
In ancient Greece, a symposium was a drinking party, which often followed a banquet. The people responsible for initiating over two thousand years of scientific and philosophical inquiry also created the word for the ultimate drinking party. By Plato’s accounts, the symposiums of ancient Greece were often “off da hook.” If the founders of modern scientific and philosophical thinking, without which you would not be in a university reading these very words, could afford to party and relax, then there is no reason that you, a humble college student, cannot do the same.
But here I must offer a disclaimer. Much like the beer commercials that really mean the opposite, I implore you to party responsibly. You, my readers, are adults. You understand the consequences of actions. None of us are in high school anymore, so learn your limit and stick to it. If you end up without pants in the middle of Independence Hall, do not blame it on this opinion columnist. I am merely suggesting that you let yourself let loose and have fun. Get out there and have a few beers (if you’re 21+), talk to a stranger or two, and talk about the least important thing you can think of.
So throw some LFMAO on your iPod, crank up the stereo, and dance, dance, dance the night away.