Dear Scarlet: Week of 11/22/2010

Dear Scarlet,

I have a slight problem with one of my roommates. He disappears for long periods of time, and never explains where he goes. One day he will be staying in the dorm, and the next day he is gone! Sometimes he goes missing for days at a time. When he gets back my other roommates and I ask him where he’s been, but he just grunts and walks away, or says, “I had some business to take care of.” In the short time that we’ve all been living together we have gotten to know each other pretty well, except for him. He never talks to any of us, or goes out with any of us; if he’s even in the dorm he just sits on his computer or watches TV. He has an impressive collection of books too; they all fit into the category of old army field manuals, or The Zombie Survival Guide. I’m usually not one to complain, but its really starting to creep me out, what do I do?

Signed,
Creeped Out Roommate

Dear Creeped Out Roommate,

The grunting is suspicious. If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect he was zombie-bit and the books were research to see when he was going to turn. So, run for your life! (I love zombie jokes) Seriously, there are many reasons why he could be acting in this manner.

One, he could be an introvert, where he goes about his week with little contact from anyone else. In these cases, know that it can be emotionally painful for these people to communicate with anyone they really don’t know very well. So, don’t be soo quick to take it personally (we’ve had enough tragedies this semester at Rutgers to upset anyone else we don’t really know). Second, he could be antisocial and he doesn’t want communication at all. This is a deeper level of behavior that means he may never come around. Simply, he may feel you don’t have anything in common and he wants to leave it at that. Lastly, (the extreme) he could be a mean person and well…they just suck…so since you and your roomies are soo close anyway, put a request in with your Resident Advisor for a roommate change or get a place on your own next semester. If he does get super-weird or violent then you have to alert an advisor or campus security.

I suggest you read up on his books while he is gone for now, so you can defend yourself in case I was correct in my first statement…just don’t let him catch you, or he will use page 37 of The Zombie Survival Guide on you (Power Tools, and no one likes when power tools are involved, jeez). Oops! Don’t ask me how I know that. Don’t judge, a girl has to be prepared, you know. An outbreak can happen at any time.

-Scarlet

Dear Scarlet,

I hate your section. It’s stupid and there’s nothing newsworthy about it. Why don’t you just quit?

Have a nice day,

Your Archenemy

Dear Hater,

Well, I tried to have Senioritis and slack off on my writing, because everyone should indulge in themselves for a bit, right? I’m not use to letting myself do that, since I’m such a friendly individual and love helping people. But maybe you can show me how to be a pent up mean person since you’re soo willing to share your technique and excel at it. Don’t worry, I plan to get a job at Rutgers, so our love will never end (in case we don’t work out). How much do you get paid?

Xoxo,

Scarlet.

P.S.
Eat dirt (see I’m a fast learner).

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